Jeremy's Ramblings, Babblings, and Other Pretentious Bullshit.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
So, Ellen DeGeneres is visiting my work today. She is about 100 yards from me right now. I can hear her voice as she talks to the woman that I have lunch with everyday. A camera crew and an incredible amount of star-struck employees are following them around right now. Why? Beats me.

It's weird how surreal my life is at points. I show up at work, annoyed that I left my cell phone at home, really wanting sleep, feeling the tuna melt digesting in my stomach, and then suddenly one of America's most famous television personalities (not to mention the finest fish voice-over artist of all time. That's right, I'm making that bold statement) has invaded our office.

The funny thing about this (besides her witty one-liners) is that the entire floor (and yes, I mean the ENTIRE floor) has stopped to watch this. If a random person showed up, demanded that the entire office stand up and stretch and started writing on our bulletin board, they would be thrown out of the office with lightning speed. But since the random person has her own show, and the writing reads "Watch Ellen Everyday at 4 P.M.", then it's perfectly okay. That's the power of celebrity.

I realized that I really don't want to be really famous (this is where you go, "Oh, don't worry about THAT!" while rolling your eyes). I, of course, would like to be a known actor, but no higher than the level of a John C. Reilly or a David Cross. That guy that you've seen in that one thing. Important enough to get a second or third look, but not important enough to be approached. As Ellen walked through our building, people were asking for autographs, taking pictures of her and holding up "Finding Nemo" signs (where did they get those so fast?). She sounded very good-natured, but that has got to be an annoyance on both your hand and your psyche after a while.

While I was writing that last paragraph, Ms. DeGeneres started walking this way. I adopted the stance of the one person around who didn't care that a celebrity was in the building (of course I care, who wouldn't care, I just wanted it to SEEM like I didn't care). As she got closer, I had the usual swarm of thoughts that comes over me when I see television or movie cameras heading my way: "What if she stops to talk to me? What if I'm interviewed? What if I'm super funny and entertaining and get discovered and become the greatest star the world has ever known? Or what if I come across really idiotic and become the biggest novelty act since William Hung? I'll be ruined! Do I want to be on TV or don't I? DO I OR DON'T I???"

Then about ten feet from me she turned to her crew and said "Is that it?" She then signed a couple more autographs, took a picture with one employee's baby (where did she get THAT so fast?) and went back the way she came.

So now I get to stamp another entry in my list of Celebrities I've Randomly Seen (a list that includes such notables as John Travolta, Topher Grace, James Cameron and Tiffani Amber-Thiessen). People at the office asked why I didn't approach her, talk to her, be my usual actor-y self. But how could I? An actor trying to get on camera would probably be the last thing she would want.

America's favorite lesbian has now disappeared and the floor is quiet and productive again. And now whenever I look to the left while sitting at my desk, I'll have the subliminal urge to Watch Ellen Everyday at 4 P.M.

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