Jeremy's Ramblings, Babblings, and Other Pretentious Bullshit.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Last night consisted of hot chocolate, broken shower rods, dinosaurs, a man electrocuted several times over, log flumes, clowns carrying chainsaws, a kazoo-playing member of Kiss, and buckets of rain.

I went to Knott's Scary Farm's Halloween Haunt last night, and had a good time, despite my perfect imitation of a drowned rat. I made a lot of really bad decisions last night, and ended up completely soaked.

Still, Halloween Haunt is a pretty cool experience. If you like people jumping out at you in a big, dimly lit place, then this is the place for you. Everywhere you went, even on the rides, monsters were pounding walls, shaking or snapping things in front of your face, and brandishing an assortment of fake weapons (the most inventive and enthusiastic were the aforementioned kazoo player and chainsaw clown). Here are some of the highlights:

SCARIEST MOMENT: A tie between a humongous figure clad entirely in black that seemingly comes out of nowhere, and a plant that comes alive and reaches out to you. Honorable mention to the threat of pneumonia that hung over me that entire night.

COOLEST EFFECT: Two people dressed head to toe in a costume painted with stars standing up against a wall with the same pattern and thus becoming invisible before jumping out at you.

MOST LIKELY TO GIVE KIDS NIGHTMARES: A human-size Cookie Monster that reaches out for you in a macabre Sesame Street-style alley titled "Sesa-meat Street"

JOB I WOULD WANT TO HAVE: Slider. These guys have metal on their knees and hands, allowing them to slide on the pavement toward unsuspecting people. It looks great.

BEST JOKE I REMEMBER TELLING: Talking about a possible marketing campaign for our "Madame Guignol's Hellhouse" show - "Do you hate Jesus? Sure, we all do." Honorable mention to my joke after coming out of the pirate maze, said in a pirate voice - "I only know two letters of the alphabet! Aye, and arrr!!!"

BEST JOKE TOLD BY SOMEONE ELSE: Mark Coyan, while exiting the Kingdom of the Dinosaurs ride, "History smells like rubber." Honorable mention to Darren Wishman's "You really want to see something scary? I'm 36 and underemployed!"

FUNNIEST RECURRING EVENT: Shannon Flynn saying, "That's great!" to every monster that jumped out at her, and proceeding to talk to them about their costume or scare technique. Honorable mention to various people I know hugging me or making "Team America" references while dressed in their monster outfits.

FUNNIEST SIGN: "Dr. Cleaver's Psycho Circus at the Charles M. Schulz Theatre"

BEST LESSON LEARNED FROM WATCHING JUNIOR HIGH GIRLS: If a monster is scaring you, don't scream and run away. That's basically saying, "Please chase me."

MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT: Spending 45 minutes in the Kingdom of the Dinosaurs line with a dozen people whom I adore.

MOST MISERABLE MOMENT: Walking through the parking lot, cold, wet, tired and barely able to see through my glasses as I look for my car. Followed by driving home and messing with trying to get my car into my garage, which has now turned into a kiddie pool. Followed by going home and trying to fix a broken shower rod with a lot of duct tape.

DUMBEST MOVE I MADE: Going on the log flume ride, which was really fun, but with the weather being what it was, not the greatest idea in the world.

THE DUMBEST MOVE I COULD HAVE MADE BUT DIDN'T: Get on the Screamin' Swing, which basically swings you back and forth to great heights, all while pouring rain and hard winds beat your face. Yes, people were doing it.

MOST USELESS JOB: Employees were walking the streets, sweeping up the water, which would have been useful...if it weren't still raining.

BIGGEST SURPRISE: Waking up this morning to find that I'm still in good health.

So despite the extreme weather, a good time was had by me. I'll definitely go back next year.

Oh, yeah, and one last thing...


And, Might I mention...
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